Crazy hot jerked chicken (Crazy! Like, sooo crazy!)

Kind of like a party in your mouth. Jerked chicken has a lot of flavor going on. Island flavors, ginger, nutmeg, allspice, cinnamon, lime, molasses, rum. Then there is the heat. Some serious heat from habaneros (I don’t ever see scotch bonnet peppers). Three Dog Night would tell you, “This is the craziest party there could ever be”. This is the sort of dish that I once viewed with quite some trepidation. If a pepper comes with a warning that you better wear gloves while handling, do you really want it inside you? Really? Skip down to “Mama told me not to come. She said, that ain’t the way to have fun, son.” Well, no lies, this is a spicy dish, but well worth trying. You can adjust the heat by limiting the number of peppers or by seeding the peppers before you add them. Follow me if you dare, intrepid readers.

Crazy! Like, so crazy! Like, I'm on fire crazy! Uncredited photo I use for potluck signs.

The recipe that I am using is slightly modified from one offered by Mark Bittman. Mark Bittman is one of my favorite cookbook authors. How to Cook Everything. You might think hubris, but I turn to this book more often than almost any other. The Minimalist books are really outstanding as well. And Food Matters is eye opening. This recipe came from Kitchen Express, which I have somewhere but also pops up in Google Books, which is quite handy.

I wish I had taken a picture of all the ingredients. But I didn’t. One thing about habaneros. They look really cute. They are tiny, they are orange. They look like a little baby bell pepper. Awww. Right. Don’t let their pup-like cuteness fool you. These little guys mean business. If you are going to play with habaneros, and are too manly (reads foolish) to wear gloves, do not put your hands anywhere near your eyes. It doesn’t just sting.  That is a world of pain you do not want to see. OK, true confession, I would watch it on YouTube, but someone else would be the lead. Does that make me bad? Also, don’t wipe your nose. Basically, don’t touch anything that you don’t want to feel some major fiery wrath. But enough about touching yourself, lets look at the blender marinade from heck.

Marinade Ingredients:

• 1/2 cup white vinegar
• 2 Tbsp dark rum
• 3 habaneros, take the green tops off
• 1 red onion, chopped
• some green onions, whatever they sell as a bunch
• 1 Tbsp dried thyme, fresh if you got it
• 2 Tbsp olive oil
• 2 tsp salt
• 1 tsp cracked or ground black pepper
• 1 Tbsp ground allspice
• 1 Tbsp ground cinnamon
• 1 Tbsp ground nutmeg
• 1 Tbsp ground ginger (fresh is also really nice)
• 1 Tbsp molasses
• 1 lime, juiced (more if you like lime)

Run that madness in the blender until it looks pretty smooth. Go ahead, taste it. Don’t be such a baby. You did? I’m so sorry. That was meant as a not-to-be-taken-seriously taunt.

I like to use boneless, skinless chicken thighs with this. Pretty forgiving on the grill, yet lots of surface area to expose to the marinade. You can do about two pounds on a standard size Weber grill. I’ve seen people online saying that you should marinate this for about a day. Whoa. Between the vinegar and the lime juice, there is a lot of acid going on here. You leave that on for too long and your chicks will turn mushy. And that is just sad. Bittman has it right, about an hour is all you need. If you want a flavor boost, boil the reserved marinade (until safe, maybe 5-10 minutes) and add some lime juice. And look here, a little of this stuff goes a long way.

I was using mesquite charcoal, but I also have a bag of apple wood chunks to generate some smoke (I used about one chunk). You don’t have to use apple wood, you can use what you like, or nothing. This dish already has flavor to spare. Careful with hickory, though. Too much, and your chicken starts to taste bacon-y. You can soak the wood chunks or not. Soaked they will last longer. I am usually too lazy.

Marinated jerk chicken over indirect heat

I cook almost all my chicken on the grill using indirect heat. That means you put the lit coals on one side and cook on the other side. There is not a lot of flipping and leaping flames. Put the cover on and grab a beverage. Open the vent on the cover all the way and put the opening over the chicken. This will draw the smoke over the chicken. Pretend like you are doing something and you can sit outside while others are doing housework. After about fifteen minutes, you can flip the birds (don’t look kids), and move them around if some are getting more done. Cover it up again, and grab another beverage. Keep up. After about a half an hour, the birds are probably done enough. If they are still doing housework and you like your chicken done-done, cover it up for another 15 minutes. The thighs are pretty forgiving. And you got a beverage! Good for you. Now you are with the program. After they are cooked through, I’ll look at the color of the chicken. Sometimes they have a nice brown roasted look. Most times, I’ll put the thighs over the direct heat for a few minutes to get some char, some crispy bits, some color.

Cooked jerked chicken and a few pineapple sausages (non-spicy, for the kids)

I like to serve this dish with some fresh cut pineapple (you can grill that, too, if you like). Maybe some black beans and rice. And beer. Don’t tell me you drank all the beer? Use some of the boiled marinade sauce, or some lime wedges to finish. And watch out!  You might be fighting for air. These American thighs could definitely knock you out (I was already there).

My grilling beverage was a gin and juice concoction. A couple of ounces of gin, a blood orange, juiced (because I had it, and its so pretty in a drink), a little Grand Marnier, and a few dashes of orange bitters. Over ice, with a little wedge of the orange. Pretty tasty. Till next time, cheers! Jerry

Blood orange and gin cocktail